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FREETHUNK BOOK!The Complete Edition
By Jeff Swenson
160 pages, Jam-Packed
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"JUGS, BEAVERS and EXPLODING BALLS"
by Jeff Swenson
First Cynic Comic Strip
collection now in print.
2004-2005
Buy it now for
below retail.
SOUTH PARK AND MY FIRST TIME
by Cartoonist Jeff Swenson
Do you remember your first time? Did it involve Jesus and Brian Boitano?
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For freethinkers who were once religious there is always a first time. We are like virgins waiting for the moment... ...The moment when someone we previously knew as a Christian has to be told that we no longer believe in what was formerly a shared belief--a friendship bond once based on a mutual theology that now has to be reorganized in order to be based on some other commonality. |
| I remember my first time, full of dread and almost wanting to maintain the illusion that I was still Christian in order to avoid a confrontation. It's not that I was afraid of telling anyone I had just met on the street that I no longer believed in Jesus Christ, I was afraid of having to meet someone I knew as a Christian and having to tell them I no longer believed. There's an emotional tie to those who you hung out with, prayed with , shared music with and felt like you were part of something that was rebelling against a world of degradation and godlessness. It's hard for those who never were part of a church or religion to understand how hard it is for atheists, agnostics and other unbelievers to come out amongst their own. Because ultimately it feels not like you're betraying God, but you're betraying your friends. It would have been a lot easier if my religious peers would have been stereotypes. Cruel, judgmental fundies who wanted to enact laws according to The Bible and condemn everyone to hell. Bits and pieces of stereotypical behavior could be found in my peers (and myself included) but as a whole these were good people with a variety of problems and personalities much like the rest of the world. Where does South Park fit into this? It's a reference point for the first time I had to tell someone that I knew as a Christian that I was no longer a Christian. In art school I joined a Bible Study--a very small Bible Study--of art students who were mainstream Christians and one of the guys in the group was Josh. Josh was younger than me, already married with a kid on the way, and in the industrial design program which focuses on special effects, sculptures and working with a variety of material to create models. The kid was talented too, I saw some of his work when I visited him at his apartment and we went to see the Jackie Chan movie "Rumble In The Bronx." Josh and I shared an interest in Christian Metal though Josh preferred thrash and doom styles and I was more eclectic. At the time a comic strip I had created called "Young Geezers" was being published in Heaven's Metal, a popular Christian Metal Music review magazine with a hokey title. Also I was published in several smaller ezines (my cartooning was horrible though). We shared our ideas on the music scene and on art in general and how it related to Christianity. And admittedly both Josh and I were fanboys, even if I for awhile I tried to deny it and asked questions like why would a grown man buy toys (action figures, dammit--action figures!). Josh also had the habit of unintentionally insulting someone as he was trying to be clever. This is also one of my weaknesses and I think I even did it to Josh, something about beating his kid with a pool cue stick but I can't remember exactly what the conversation was or what stupid, embarrassing thing I said. Our Bible Study lasted throughout the 2 years that I attended The Art Institute of Seattle, however, it never gained in momentum. I believe we lost more members than we ever gained. I was there most of the time and Josh was there most of the time. Around the last quarter before graduation I stopped attending any studies or maybe the group broke up because of lack of interest--I'm not exactly sure. Regardless I graduated and Josh and I departed ways. About a year later, after working at a cinema and then as a security guard, I finally landed a contract with Humongous Entertainment, a kid-targeted software company. This was the company that pretty much took in any Art Institute student that couldn't find a job and helped make the AIS employment services look competent. Yes, it was art-related work but it was grunt work. Digital ink and paint on animation for a game called SpyFox. I can't complain. It paid decently for a guy who was formerly a security guard and there was plenty of perks: free candy, free soda, listen to your own music while you worked and plenty of overtime. After a month of working on SpyFox, Josh popped up as part of a digital inking crew on another game. ...And an uncomfortable feeling set in. I must explain that in my last quarter of Art School I became an agnostic. This is a long story in itself but suffice to say after a lot of reading and thinking I came to the conclusion--or more like a revelation--that the version of God I had been raised to believe in, did not exist. In other words, I lost my faith. Because I was separated from my family and former church community and living in another state that revelation didn't have the implications that it may have had for someone who was in the thick of it. Losing my faith was a great relief. Like having the burden that religion was supposed to take off my back actually be lifted away. Josh did not know this had occurred. The working area where my Spyfox ink and paint crew, another crew and the crew Josh belonged to was one room with fold-out tables where the computer monitors sat on (this was in 1997, no such thing as flat screens). It was dark to the point that when you took lunch you felt like Gollum emerging from his underground dwelling. They did provide very comfortable computer chairs I must say. In that small room were about 20 people, as least 4 of them Christians. Josh got to work immediately starting a Humongous Bible Study that would meet there or at a gathering place near work. At least I assumed it was Josh who started this group because previous to his arrival there was no mention of any Bible Study. The guy who sat next to me and who generously gave me a ride home talked about himself being a Christian and played in a Christian rock band and there was another guy who talked about some sort of born again book burning (it wasn't about censorship, more like someone burning his past in a spiritual renewal ceremony) but there was no organized activity. When Josh came into the company I received an email about the new Bible Study group; I can only assume he was the main instigator. I received 3 more emails but never acknowledged any of them (fact is, at the time I'm not even sure how comfortable I was at using email or especially the internet; things have certainly progressed since then). I was dreading having to tell Josh I couldn't attend his Bible Study because I wasn't a believer. It sounds so stupid to have that kind of anxiety but it is very real for former believers. I have never officially "come out" as an atheist to my family. I think they know I'm not religious but a declaration of atheism would be pretty shocking. Of course, in my family we don't talk about a lot of personal matters like love, relationships and spirituality; there's a lot of religious talk but I separate personal spirituality from religion. "Coming out" as an agnostic to Josh is similar to meeting an old friend who you played Barbies with as a kid and they're still playing Barbies and you'd rather forget you even touched a doll with no genitalia to speak of. It is just really uncomfortable. And thus it went down like this: On a particular day of no real significance, when there was a break on for most of us in the room, Josh pulled up a fold-up chair behind my work area and sat on it backwards like "The Fong." He asked me if I had gotten the memo about The Bible Study. I can't say I was sweating but I did have butterflies in my stomach, a completely irrational response. I turned around to Josh and in very few words explained that I was no longer a Christian so it didn't make sense that I attend the Bible Study. I could see the shock in his face almost immediately and suddenly it was as if we were strangers. He smiled uncomfortably and asked me, "When did this happen?" I told him sometime around the end of art school. After that I cannot remember the rest of the conversation. It was very short. I think for the most part Josh tried to keep smiling and joke a bit. We did not get into a deep discussion of why I thought Christianity was bunk and why I no longer believed. I'm not sure I would have been ready for that. I was still sorting out all of my thinking on this rather large topic. Contrary to what most Young Earth Creationists believe, I did not reject Christianity because of an acceptance of evolution. I rejected Christianity because Christianity itself no longer made sense. The fact is, I didn't accept evolution until almost 2 years later. I didn't start calling myself an atheist until about 3 years later--and for the record I do refer to myself as an "agnostic-atheist" because of all the misconceptions about what an atheist is. As the work schedule on the games continued, Josh and I still remained on talking terms, much like work associates act, but we did not hang out together except for possibly seeing each other walk a certain stretch of road to the office headquarters. If it were today, I would have made it a goal to sit down with him at lunch or something and talk over Christianity and open the air a bit. I never want to force beliefs on anyone but in this situation I think both of us would have been more comfortable if we had talked about what we believed and what we didn't believe. Josh and I even exchanged music, his Christian Doom and Thrash for my increasingly secular metal. I have to admit to even still listening to Christian Metal/Rock at that time and even now. Talent is talent even if the lyrics sometimes make no sense. |
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Now you're still asking where does South Park enter into all of this? Well, this is the same year that South Park got its start on the internet. It's nostalgic for me because this was the same year that I was first discovering the internet. There was a guy who sat a couple of seats down from me who I thought was amazing. He could find anything on the net including serial numbers for software that you shouldn't be sharing and audio from Art Bell (that nut ball talk show host). This doesn't sound like much to the kid of today who has grown up with the net at his disposal, but I didn't have that privilege. Even in art school I didn't use the internet or have easy access to it. Now I can't imagine life without it. One lazy day when all of us digital ink and paint grunts were goofing around, this net guru guy pulled up The Spirit of Christmas; the first ever South Park episode. Remember that South Park started as a web cartoon and interest spread from there. All of us crowded around his computer to watch it, including Josh and we all laughed. Josh probably didn't agree with the Jesus characterization but he didn't seem to be offended. We watched it 3 or more times in a row and I could hear some of the guys quoting it as we got back to work. Everyone was smiles and in good humor because of some quirky cut-out style animation with foulmouthed kids, Jesus, Santa and most importantly Brian Boitano. I'm going to stop writing for a little bit here to see if it is still possible to find The Spirit Of Christmas on the internet... Okay, I'm back. Yes, it's still around. I found copies at this link. Watching it again, I didn't realize how foulmouthed those kids were. It completely reminded me of being back in Humongous Entertainment at that point in my life. |
| What happened from there? I, as usual, never really fit in with everyone else at Humongous (usually takes me a year to settle in anywhere) though I got along. My supervisor even did an impression of me which I caught when I was returning from the restroom. Apparently I was expressing myself in a monotone manner which he thought was funny. Most likely it was true. I've been told in the past that I'm not that expressive unless I'm giving a speech or I generally seem disinterested in large social situations--which is definitely true, I'd rather be reading a book. I was also supposed to be invited to a wrap-up party for SpyFox which never happened. I think the party happened, I just don't think I was invited or I was forgotten--bastards! No matter, my contract was only for 3 months anyhow and after seeing how people had to work in a dark room growing paler by the day and turning into exploited geeks doing tedious work with no real creativity involved I was more determined than ever to get out on my own as a cartoonist. Josh had a harder time. Like I said earlier, both Josh and I had the habit of sticking our sarcastic foots in our mouths in an effort to be funny. Josh stuck his foot down his throat when he made a remark about a female co-worker's weight. This spread to the supervisor and other co-workers and Josh's reputation was pretty much shot. He had said other things that annoyed people there too because let's face it, guys like Josh and me are geeks who don't know how to be cool. Though we're not as bad as one fanboy geek who worked next to me and who stalked a professional comicbook artist I later met at an arts studio in Downtown Seattle and also showed up on the evening news for the premiere of Star Wars Prequel 2 wielding a fake lightsaber (did I really have to say "fake lightsaber" ?). I never said goodbye to Josh or anything sentimental like that. I believe his contract wasn't up yet anyways. I simply left Humongous and took a job with an arts studio doing design and layout work. I thought it was bullshit that Humongous Entertainment didn't renew my contract. Every one on our crew was highly praised for getting our work done efficiently. Unlike another employee we all knew of who continually talked, goofed around and was even officially reprimanded for it. That person was later given a nice, enviable assignment to do character designs for another game--a step up, a reward if you will for not doing his original work. That was a good life lesson for me. In this biz no one will reward you for doing what you're supposed to do. It's up to you to bring attention to yourself and you have to speak up and involve yourself in plenty of social networking; talent often comes second. Humongous did call me back in 2 weeks asking if I wanted to work on another game. I turned them down in youthful indignation at not having my original contract renewed. Hopefully Josh is doing well now. Hell, maybe he ditched Christianity--doubtful but I can hope. He's a good guy like many Christians I've known in the past and I wish I had more friends like him without the wedge that religion can often cause. As for South Park, I'm not a regular watcher of the show these days (I hate commercial television, I wait for DVD collections to watch any series) but I am proud of the show. Who would have thought that the only show on television to take on the crazies would be a choppily animated show with foulmouthed kids. No offense to Shermer with his TV attempt some years ago, but South Park has done more for skepticism, atheism, and freethinking in general than any programming I can think of including The Science Channel and even Penn and Teller's Bullshit. It's a pop culture cartoon taking on nonsense with no apologies. And South Park even took a jab at atheists in one episode. Which is always good, we need derogatory humor to prevent our intellectual heads from swelling too much. |